Bar closing I am hiding in the bathroom. do you think anyone will find me?
when I forget a girls name in bed I ask her her middle name then tell her i'm gonna call her that from now on
Your roommate was biting my friend last night. It was weird.
He was actually able to throw up in the bucket from the top bunk. im impressed.
I took it to a new level. I'm procrastinating taking my adderall. Hate finals week.
I'm celebrating tres de junio so if you can help me find some sombreros ill be grateful. Also, today in 1992 Aborigines were granted rights to their land so I might need some boomerangs.
I came home to my brother stoned out of his mind. He got a high score on COD and asked me to have a celebration yogurt with him.
you're being stingy. if you didnt want people to have sex on your couch, you shouldve specifically said so.
I apologize for excluding you. On a better note: the stripper that made out with my wife friend requested me on facebook
I found ecstasy taped in my armpit... thank you drunk Marissa.
When exactly does a bender just become a lifestyle?
You can't just call animal control when you're drunk because there is a bug in the shower.
Like the friend zone has no room for winks
The sorting hat of life was not kind to you.....
But he said I was unpatriotic for not having sex with him. What was I suppose to say to that?
Randomize
