this guy just used the pickup line "God must have spent a little more time on you" I recognized the nsync lyric immediately.
fuck you guys, stop putting fake babies in my car the cops came again.
Even though he is humpbacked he is really good in bed.
At Grandmas for dinner. She is drinking a smirnoff ice. As soon as I saw it I had to stop myself from yelling chug.
We made it a contest to fuck on everything in your room while you were on vacation.
U were yelling that I wasn't generous or supportive. Then you kneeled and said this weird prayer about the windows and doors of your life.
I brought a guy home then decided no. Took him back to the bar and said "I'm going to drop you where I found you. Have fun"
My mom is currently drinking alone in our kitchen singing the Dixie Chicks to herself so, hey, alcohol is forever and we should not be shamed for its use.
Shroomed with my best friend'a dad at his wife's surprise birthday party so you can say I have experience in the field
A homeless man just offered me vodka. The power it took to deny it deserves an award.
I'm just impressed that you can puke without losing your gum
Please don't finger me like a jackhammer. I'm a woman not a construction site.
Stoned. Scared. Bring pool noodle and onion rings.
I think I'm just going to get a farm, a vibrater, and a lot of wine.
When my parents ask, do you think "he was the cop I gave head to in order to get out of a speeding ticket" will suffice as to how we met?
Randomize
