just bought a 30 and sold it for $2 a can to some dumb ass high school kids. now lets buy two and get really drunk
you know you've made it when it's your own pool table you're waking up on
there seems to be a considerable amount of hair missing from my left hand. i may have lit it on fire again
At least my fat-chick-ratio has not been that bad this semester ...
Drunk Tina signed up to be part of the crew team and got a text from the captain telling her there's practice tomorrow. Wtf
I don't want to ruin date night, but you have no idea how hard it is to poop whilst looking at cute puppies.
if i bang your brother are we still cool?
Dude I'm at a bar, and there's this Elvis impersonator here that I went to rehab with. Apparently Elvis has left the wagon.
I don't know, but I assume drunk me had her reasons. I trust her judgement.
You tipped the Uber driver extra for taking your phone away while you were drunk texting
Sometimes you just gotta get high and go to a planetarium. Why can't he understand that?
Do you know how close I got to throwing him over the edge of the canyon?
Dude she passed out on the floor so you covered her with a blanket to make sure "no one would notice her"
And when she started moving around and making noises you told everyone, "it's okay, it's just my roomba under there".......
Just found out the last guy I hooked up with is being held in a federal prison under suspicion of stealing 175k.
I just woke up in a prom dress on your bathroom floor, yea I'm 32.
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