see... this is why i put birth control in all my friends drinks
wait.... you do what?
So you honestly dont remember putting honey in your bong? You kept talking about how you wanted to become a bee and fly
Highlight of my evening, pile of books falling onto me in front of people
I paid your cover too so you're on the list as tits mcgee. You're welcome :D
Juss got out of jail; shes still in there tryin to sing her abc's backwards bc the cops neva asked her too... Whebever she gets to t she starts singin the tequilla song
So scratching an ex marines beard, telling him "nice hairy pussy." then when he opens his mouth to respond, I started fingering his mouth. Needless to say was a horrible idea
It will be like a scavenger hunt.. only we're looking for places to have sex.
I just need to drink whiskey get off and eat some cheese. Why is that so fucking hard for god to deliver.
Dude, i just watched a drag queen dropkick a motherfucker. this is a good night.
I was dreaming of a parallel reality and in the dream I just looked up at my present self and was like "you're high, man"
I'm drunk but I just ate 2 heads of broccoli so does that mean it evens out?
Yes absolutlely
i look like i'm walk-of-shaming but i'm really showered and re-clothed and rallying. i fool everyone
He eats kale on the regular. Do I look like a bitch that wants to eat kale. No. Give me some Boston market.
The day will come again young grasshopper. For now you must complete your training of patience and tongue biting
His relationship is over as soon as he sees my boobs. I’m going to titty fuck my way into his heart
Randomize
