Do you think they could tell I was high on that conf call?
remember when u banged some random dude twice in the back restaurant room of the bar i work at with customers still there? and woke up with an enormous highschool-sized hickey this morning? no big deal.
It started with Hannah Montana and ended with alcoholism.
Kelly Kapowski is pregnant and it's not Zach Morris'. I no longer believe in true love.
just looked up how to break up with someone nicely on google. glad to know im not the only one who looks up this shit.
Then you started screaming that this was the first time you did e and that you had a 4.8 gpa, that was right before you almost suffocated between that one girl's tits.
By the way, I got bored last night and just started putting my balls on every object in your room. One at a time.
Show him your tits if he says no
They're not help-me-out-of-jams tits. They're I-fake-people-into-thinking-they-look-good tits.
Just woke up from a weed coma and found a stem in my bra. Rainy day success.
You hit a new plane of existence as we all watched in awe
These cutoffs are too tight but my ass looks like Freedom
You were passed out in the OutBack Bowl Shrimp costume and when we asked you wtf happened you just said On Wisconsin.
In other news, the one guy I DIDN'T have sex with in High School is now famous.
It still amazes me Mike had to have neck surgery after eating me out so much.
There's so many drinking games in the Olympics.
you missed out this chick was licking her paddle
Randomize
