i just thanked the atm machine for giving me cash
She helped me organize my comics and then blew me. This is the one.
maybe i'll see you again later :)
I'd rather shit a knife.
if you ever come into my room screaming for me to set up rockband at 4:45 am ever again i will kill you
Just walked past a girl wearing nothing but flip flops and an oversized sweatshirt crying by the front gates eating pizza. i just found your soulmate.
I may also break bread with strippers. Because it is passover.
2am update: i think I'm in Mexico but I found a dennys. Everyone but this cute family of 4 is speaking Spanish. Cute family of 4 is helping me out.
asked the girl next to us on line to take a picture of us and she shared her bacardi. i love white people.
I am incapable of maintaining a guy's interest in me. It's like erectile dysfunction but with feelings
Perhaps if I didn't mortify my parents last night with my drunken obnoxious behavior which resulted in the casualty of an entire decorative bathroom shelf which I completely ripped off the wall and left for dead, I would be more than willing to go day drinking.
You were naked with a chalice of Skittles vodka, singing along to Les Miserables.
Dude i'm still drunk and i'm feeding a raccoon cereal from my bedroom window
I made a powerpoint to trip to.
you are so studious.
Haha i really think theres no better way to tell a paramedic sorry for breaking your nose than a beautiful and healthy edible arrangement...
I went to steal condoms from your room and all I could find was chik fil a sauce
Randomize
