I'd rather drink alone in my closet than hang out with that girl
since when did accompanying a guy to a wedding mean that anal was required that night?
Swear. I think after passing out in a community college parking lot I can safely nominate myself for the piece of shit of the year award
My entire floor is waiting for the couple to come out of the shower. She's a screamer. We've blockaded them
You tried to sled down the middle of the street. In. Your. Coat. Of course you are bruised.
You showed up at my apartment after 3 am wasted with a plate of cookies and tried to hook up.
Sorry about that. Except for the cookies.
You swear the intervention is for her? I've fallen for that one twice.
You told my mom you were going to "Raw Dawg some randoms." That Drunk.
Right. Will do. I'll call you if I need a ride. (that is a double meaning, go with it.)
We had half a pitcher of beer left and he asked us if we wanted a to-go cup. Fuck yeah we want it to-go.
All I know is that I woke up in a soccer players' dorm, and he said that I kept telling him my mouth was a "net for his balls" last night at the bar..
Why is your solution always to masturbate
Because it usually works
Just fell off my bed trying to pose and take a nude for you. Probably broke my wrist
IM HUNGOVER AT MOTHERS DAY BRUNCH AND A NUN FROM CHURCH JOINED US
so.. please tell me you did not really sleep on the washing machine last night
guilty
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