you went around the entire night in your french maid costume dusting off the "cob webs" on everyone's crotch saying "you havent gotten any action in a while"
I was wondering why i got so many friend requests the next day...
whats the proper etiquette for returning a closet door to a random girl you met and do not know her name?
surprisingly enough, it isn't that uncomfortable to have sex with a heart monitor on
Sometimes I wonder if my parents know that I mean horny when I say lonely.
That's the only definition of lonely that I know.
You kept yelling "wood grain wheel" and grinding on fat chicks.
The hell is wrong with me
So last night I learned something new. Whenever I drink beer out of a bottle a random guy buys me another one. It was like as soon as the glass hit my lips every guy in a 20ft radius got a hard on.
I only saw you for about 5 min, but you were rambling about how not even the whiskey could make you fight the skeleton guards.
The Angel on my shoulder is now resorting to merely reminding me that, "You will regret this later." I'm not sure if he's learning how I think or just giving up. Either way, should make life a bit more interesting.
Nothing like cleaning dried puke off your floor to make you feel like you've failed as an adult.
Dude you spent 20 minutes on the phone with dominos answering machine trying to order a pizza
ARTHUR IS ON FUCKING NETFLIX THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
We could get her a gift basket of Xanax l
Are you 5:30 blackout again?
Its amazing how creative youll get when your house has been out of toilet paper for a week and a half
IF THE SUNS NOT EVEN OUT THEN WHY IS HIS DICK OUT WTF
Randomize
