omg omg i just fucked paul. i need to stop doing this kind of thing.
wait, who's paul?
exactly.
I always have to poop after I paint my nails. It never fails.
Yes, do intervene. Unless it involves cowboys with loud trucks and hard 9 inch dicks. Then just come back for me in the morning.
I STRONGLY considered not bringing that guy home with me last night simply because I'd JUST changed my sheets that morning.
its kind of scaring me that i am turned on by tom cruise in rock of ages
Hostess is going out of business we'll never survive the apocalypse
Megan brought her friend up last night, greeted her by drunkedly taking a piss all over her duffle bag of clothing
Just got a Snapchat of his dick with the caption 'We miss you.'
That's true love, there.
(This is the second time ive been high enough to decide to run for office)
Apparently I've told this bouncer I stalk him on Instagram 3 times. I should stop drinking. I only remeber saying it tonight. early sign of Alzheimer's
Yeah,I'm just gonna keep fucking other guys til this idiot figures out he loves me.
I'm glad you had fun with your genitals.
i don't know when underwear became an acceptable clothing choice for parties, but god help me i hope this isn't a passing trend.
honestly if there were pictures of last night i would be embarrassed.... im embarrassed without pictures
I bought him flowers and fake vampire fangs, cuz there's really not a greeting card that says "Sorry I got wasted last night and started a very sloppy bloodletting ritual.".
Randomize
