My kitchen smells like failed pina coladas.
and thats how i got kicked in the balls by micky mouse
just woke up in the beanbag bin at walmart
Someone sharpied 'shit show' on my tits. Someone with excellent penmanship
i rewarded my self with tacobell for not throwing up on any one. MISTAKE
Where can I buy a trophy for a Groupie Award?
She had sex with a merch guy. . . band guys make you groupies, Merch guys just means she's easy.
He came in, laid on our floor and started to make a snow angel.. On the floor. Then he just left never said a word. 20 mins later walked back in and dropped his pants, looked down and said "wow im happy i had boxers on."
After he convinced me that my friend had died and come back to life, I decided I was having sex with him that night, and that I should lay off the drugs for a while.
sorry can't make it tonight, greg's getting back from italy. he's had two weeks of carbs and no gym; now's my chance to get myself a piece of that newly-fat, low self-esteemed ass.
It's now 8:05 on a Wednesday night and I'm already going home with my bra in my purse.
I never thought my Saturday night would end up with someone crawling around my carpet for 3 hours trying to pick up spilled coke...
I never thought my Saturday night would end up with ME crawling around your carpet for 3 hours trying to save my investment.
Did you cry?
I don't think so. I definitely lost my cool though
Yeah i think jesus would lose his cool in that situation
Idk dude I just feel kinda weird masturbating in my Obama Biden 2008 shirt...
So last night was the first of "I got cut off before I walked in the bar".
I found a bar with Metallica and a fire eater. I'm home
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