you guys were way drunker than both of me
theres a dog humping me and im not going to stop it... i really need to get laid.
i just watched a video of two girls fucking with a banana and i thought of you.
i hate you
boy from dating site added me on facebook. i don't know if i'm ready for him to see what a drunk i am.
So I'm seriously debating forwarding these sexts to his horse faced new gf including the ones that say he still loves me... but I still need his check to clear... decisions decisions
Just scrubbed my teeth for a good twenty minutes. Herpes is afraid of toothpaste, right?
I dont feel as bad coming home this baked because I gave my 14 year old sister a no drugs talk last night.
Dude if our hands were ladels we could work at a soup kitchen
That would be so convenient
How do the freshmen here NOT understand the tricks we are playing on them by now? Doesn't bode well for grad numbers. Idiots.
Nothing says Panama City like condoms washing up on the shore.
Why am I sticky / covered in baby Tylonel?
My mom told me to get it out of my system now bc once I hit 30 it's not acceptable to get "white girl wasted".
He sent me a dick pic. I am fighting the urge to send him a "sorry for your loss" card.
You’re sleeping on my couch so you’re not making dick appointments tonight
Day drunk. He was sitting in the back seat, opened the door, leaned out, and peed right there in the dutch bros drive through. No one even noticed haha
Randomize
