If you're gonna cry pregnant again I'm not coming over.
tfor prom could you pick me up wo bottles of champagne and a condom, please?
SLUTTIEST. 4TH. EVER.
Dude you're alone at a bar with a woman, and you're talking about my junk?
Kinda sad when you get home on a Sunday morning and the paper guy HAND DELIVERS the newspaper to you...,
So I feel like I should feel objectified by your comment about my boobs but instead I just feel proud. 21ST CENTURY FEMINISM, BABY
My mom was looking at curtains for me and sent pictures and I had to be like "not the Disney princess pink and purple, more like an acid trip"
My landlord showed my apartment to a prospective tenant today and I had my vibrator and gun both chilling on my nightstand
At least one of us had a weekend full of money and dick
But I'm a half a mile from my bed. And I have the hiccups. I hate hiccups.
Keep in mind this was 2012... YOLO was a very new concept.
THERE IS A DOG IN THE CLUB. I repeat a dog in the club. I might have laid down and petted it..I have no shame.
My night has consisted of googling cat penises and creating a Tinder profile.
Oh lord. I have no recollection. I just got up. Surveying the damage. Found phone with messages out by pool. Still have not located my top or determined when i stopped wearing it
She's like a squirrel. She spazzes out all the time.
Randomize
