I got into an eating contest with Christina. I ate 6 oranges.
Why? Who won?
we don't know. we ran out of oranges.
Tonight's Real World episode reinforced the well-known fact that men of any caliber can hook up with girls named "Crystal"
I don't remember coming home but there is cereal EVERYWHERE
i've noticed that whenever i have to ask myself "would i be doing this if i was sober?" the answer is probably no.
We were walking home when he passed out, we left him. Just got a call from him, hes in a jail in Canada.
i want the original willy wonka imagination song to come on when i take a girl to my room
All she said was "the usual?" and unzipped my pants.
I got stood up on a date. They are singing "dancing with myself" on karaoke in my honor.
yea, there's something about a stripper whipping you with your own belt that makes you think
I tried to roll down the stairs in a ball. I have bruises, the pain is too much.
What the fuck, why would you ever do that?
Haven't you ever just wanted to be a ball?
Meanwhile I'm working a fucking flute workshop and I'm one high c away from shoving a flute up the asshole of the next passerby
I raged so hard that I was so hungover today I threw up out of a car window going 50mph cause my parents didn't pull over quick enough ...sorry to the people behind us
YOU HAVE TO STOP TELLING BARTENDERS WE DON'T HAVE MORAL STANDARDS
Looks like I accidentally stole two of your beers and left my pants at your place.
How did you leave without pants?
A black cat walked my drunken ass home last night and made sure I made it back into the apartment safe. Sat with me for 30 minutes as I struggled to unlock the door. Guardian angel or drunken hallucinations?
Randomize
