I just had a dude tell me how he got fired from friendly's for tripping a kid and followed the story with "If i'm gonna do it, I do it big."
he wanted to give me a nickname... my choices were superjugs,godzilla boobs or mouth of fury
she said we were using the spray butter as air freshener
Let me just say....i'm sorry about setting your carpet on fire. I had no idea that the paper towel would burn that quickly.
Printing the vagina inspector badge was money well spent.
its amazing there are so many photos of me and him separately, since most of that party time was spent sneaking away to fuck upstairs...
I punted my pants across my apt at my roommate last night. Everything else is kinda fuzzy.
I immediately knew he was tripping, he came over with a grocery bag of snow balls and a bike helmet on and asked if I was prepared to die for my country.
This means I've slept with 2 ppl that live in vans...my life is complete
I couldn't find pants for like 20 minutes so I was butt ass naked just sitting on your floor
I am descending into that finals week rage fueled by ramen, mountain dew and bad sex is what's up.
I settled on "Merry Christmas! Btw you may have chlamydia". I thought a nice holiday greeting would soften the blow
I just fell out of my doorway to go to class so if that doesn't describe how my night went idk what will
Since I won't be making love with anyone on a bed of roses this year on Sunday I bought a Mustang to fill the gap
I just found out through a drunken phone call that my parents thought I'd grow up to be a porn star. It's kind of scary how accurate they were at how skilled I'd be at sex.
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