I was high as a kite when I got pulled over by a cop and he asked me for my ID and if I had been smoking weed, I said no and gave him my debit card.
Facebook lets you pick usernames now. You'd better log on and get yours before homewreckingwhore is taken...
This is why I'm not putting my name in lights over your bed.
i need you to recap everything for me beyond "i think i'm gonna try vodka-pong"
Dude, we totally smoked up inside a church organ last night. Add this to the epic list.
He just did a 33 second keg stand with a fractured leg, busted chin and chipped teeth from running into a parked car after winning a race.
What's he like?
The usual. Sarcastic, dark, full of fucked up emotional problems that result in fantastic sexual prowess.
She was knocking on the tree demanding to be let in
I no longer see him as a simple set of male genitalia attached to a very sexy body. The title "trophy fuck" seems wrong. Damn.
I just want to let you know that when you try and lie about the "solid 10" you brought home last night, I've got a picture of her and about 10 reasons you should have left her at the bar starting with those martin scorsese eyebrows.
That guy has been pretty randomly in and out of my vagina for 4 years...I don't think I'm required to tell him when I'm dating.
Good point.
I can't remember if I puked before or after the shots of absinthe. Or why I thought shots of absinthe was a good idea.
You ran into the tattoo shop screaming PIERCE MY TITIES
I wanted to say, you're welcome for your orgasms, thanks for not returning the favor, Needledick
I wasn't going to drink. Then there was alcohol so I gave that up.
Randomize
