There is no way to make a throwing up smiley so just picture it....
I thought that since they were twins... they would be equally as good in bed
saw a pregnant woman in a bridal gown standing on the side of the road while her car was getting searched by police....cheers to new beginnings
Somehow I gave him blood blisters on his dick...I don't know if I'm that good or that bad.
You convinced her to break up with her boyfriend, made out with her all night, got her to buy us all shots then went home with a different girl...
That explains the "i hate you" text. But the facebook deletion is a bit harsh
she kept asking for a lobster dinner while she was crying. it was actually the most reasonable drunk chick request i've ever heard.
Can you explain the plethora of sunflower seeds in the dryer?
She was touching herself and looking a shoes online. My debt is bad enough without bringing that hot mess into my life.
What does that mean when you have a child masturbating in your dream? Is that weird?
Hi this is the guy from the cell phone store. Your Dad just upgraded your phone as a surprise. I didn't tell him about your topless pics on your phone. I transfered them to new phone. Nice rack!
She jumped on a table and took off her shirt and started yelling things that no one understood. For being 3, she has a dead on impression of a drunk party girl.
Friends don't let friends put redi whip in their wine
Lord give me the strength to not check my tinder messages at my grandmother's wake.
I don't know what else is in your wedding gift, but I just pulled out a pair of handcuffs in front of her grandmother.
Also a whip and a blindfold. Don't be a bitch, enjoy it!
I just wanna go home jackoff, eat chicken fingers, drink beer, play halo and go to bed. I'm sick of this shitty school, the shitty kids and having to fucking teach them.
Randomize
