My kitchen smells like failed pina coladas.
I looked him in the face and asked if we could stop. he asked why. I said "I can't feel it.". ...I feel bad; I should have faked.
she was on her period so I asked if she wanted to make ass babies
dear roomies, would anyone wanna donate the booze they left in the fridge over break to the "your roomies snowed in and all alone" fund?
So, during a 20 minute shower I spent 19 minutes spinning in circles and 1 minute licking the wall, and it was better than sex. I can't wait to do X again.
it's like his penis is God's way of saying "sorry about his face"
Heard in class today that they replaced our carpet in last years apartment because they couldn't get the smell out, dude we smoked way to much pot last year.
I would call you but I don't feel like these hands belong to me.
From time to time I think I'm happy for a second and then I remember how a guy stopped me from giving him head on my birthday weekend.
Please tell me you werent the one who replaced every beer bottle in my fridge with a picture of a baby kitten.
... and if i was..
Fuck. You.
I was going to say I needed the exercise but now all I can think about is BJs
My work here is done
Dude, did you know, your blood is contaminated with over 17 non-beer fluids?
Thank you. Next to bondage, soft American Apparel t-shirts are the best things you've taught me about.
Its that time in the evening when I've had a few cocktails and wish you'd make a video about the packers and Jack Daniels.
Sorry I’m late. Got horny watching the traffic report and had to rub one out
Randomize
