Did we have sex?
No you put the condom on then passed out on the bed so I left
I never thought that I'd hear someone utter the words, "I need another studded belt." I was wrong.
His penis has a special gift of curing my broken heart
His blow is so strong I threw up. Buy it. I'm in nursing school I know what I'm talking about.
I think my mom knows im high. It could be because im slow dancing with my cat in the kitchen. The dip and kiss is what gave it away.
I really want to shower but i'm afraid i'll sober up. My mouth feels like a stripper pole too...
Do you have any pics of the gummy penis incident?
Oh we were great hosts that night. We made sure to leave all the beds open by passing out on the bathroom floors instead.
I feel you. We can get adjoining rooms. It'll be like Disney world, but with drugs and ivs instead of roller coasters and Mickey Mouse.
Which is way cooler
It all started with sending him a text about Spongebob. It escalated from there.
How are you feeling this morning?
Well, I just found day old puke in my bra, so I've been better.
I feel like there's def a learning curve to the sex swing
How to not get laid: tell him he reminds you of your brother. While having sex. Thanks, vodka.
When a guy asks for your ig but you already know his blood type, social security number, & mother's maiden name.
Drunk me wants sober me to be happy, woke up with half a dozen doughnuts in my bed this morning.
Randomize
