wtf he couldnt undo my bra, i asked him if it was his first time and he said "with a girl? yeah"
I just spent $27 on things to pee on.
the last thing i remember is fucking her. GAME CHANGER i woke up in another bedroom to her younger sister blowing me
You were telling me to give my phone mouth to mouth so it wouldn't die.. Should i be worried for you?
This girl just introduced herself as Queefer Sutherland. She's on a roller derby team. What. The. Fuck.
i'm not a hellocoptur, but youer in a dorm ans im un a dorm
I don't even know. I woke up in the bathtub with no shirt, covered in towels holding what appeared to be vanillia pudding mixed with captain morgan.
Picture this: me driving down 183 throwing up into a towel. I just hit rock bottom.
The things I do for you. Not that I'm unhappy about it. I'm just saying you should love me.
Did you sleep with him again?
No! I just led him to believe that I would if he gets me booze. Do I have that little class that you have such minimal faith in me?
one more hour of this work bullshit and I'm off to get high with your cat.
I like that you use a Disney movie to describe the starting of our BDSM relationship, lmao
I just bought a blender and 120 pizza rolls. Bring tequila.
They don't have a Valentines Day card for the married guy I'm sleeping with. It can't use the words, love, soulmate, you're the only one for me...and obviously it can't be anything related to spending the day together because that's not happening.
You lost to your mom AND grandma in beer pong last night. pretty sure that constitutes a retirement from the sport
We hooked up and he sent me home with a plant and skittles lmao
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