i woke up with socks on this morning
so?
i didnt wear socks last night
i just thanked the atm machine for giving me cash
I'm at a free clinic. Feel like I should cough or sneeze so it's not blatantly obvious I'm getting checked for STI's.
I have a plus one for the Blackout Express, should I pen in your name?
Are we still banned from the library?
Don't bang him. The amount of Jack Johnson he listens to is embarrassing for even a white person.
The more and more I think about it, the more I realize... it's not ok to just pull over on the side of the highway to pee... I'm sorry I argued that
After I finished inserting the catheter he said he thought my name was familiar. Didn't have the nerve to tell him he was my fifth grade teacher.
Tried to figure out where I was without opening my eyes this morning for like twenty minutes. Not even close. Not even the right state.
This is why Helen Keller didn't drink
He had an extremely smooth butt for a man with such rough hands.
I just showered and shaved both ankles and one knee because that's the skin that's exposed in the jeans I'm wearing today. Please tell me I'm not the only one who does that.
you're now officially the 3000 mile booty call. congrats.
I told my mom that I was just gonna go check the mail. It's been 19 hours, and I woke up in a hot tub covered in chocolate, with a text from her sayin "have fun sweetie"
We’ve got a propane heater on our back porch if you want to come over and eat a McRib in peace
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