you used to get mad at me for mentioning 'unprotected sex' and happenings in my bed
well yeah, but then i realized the wisdom of your ways.
mom just found 19 empty wine bottles in my closet. i hate spring cleaning
I told him "thank you for wearing a turtleneck yesterday, I no longer have a strong erg to have sex with you. " He is no longer speaking to me.
So, I found out he was eating a jolly rancher while eating me out.. Hence the yeast infection.
Its 6:30 and I'm shotguning a busch ice while taking a shit. Outlook for work today: interesting
I'll just dance on top of the ping pong table, and if it's stable enough for that, then it's stable enough for sex
Just found out my ex boss was running a whore house in the bar. Time to remove her as a reference?
Your place is a magnet for either righteous parties or crippling alcohol dependency. Lets find out which together
have i crossed some slutty boundary when gay guys are sending me cock pics?
I'm gonna fuck that sweet little pussy of yours into absolute submission
Wow. Sorry. As soon as I sent that I felt inappropriate. But yes. Bring a sandwich after. Lol
OMG he dropped his pants for me. Granted it was to show me where he got stabbed but still...
With great boredom comes great irresponsibility.
Please tell me you're not on their roof again..
My night has consisted of googling cat penises and creating a Tinder profile.
FYI bail money is still in my drawer. I know you have no car but you need to know this for tomorrow.
Actually I really wish that I was drinking so I could ask him for breakup sex and then later blame it on my alcoholic tendencies. Maybe tomorrow instead.
Randomize
