i have the same doorman on the day shift as the guyi shacked with has on the night shift. he just laughed at me when i came home this AM. FML
do you know how bad I want you right now?
As bad as i want you to stop texting me?
is that a hint?
You were right. It hurts to walk today.
Just crossed the line with my beat friends girl twinsie. Didn't realize tillz afta how much the look alike and an thougholy creeped out. Thanks ciroc
just had to take a 4 hour nap to write a one page paper. its obviously the week after winter break.
you can't exactly throw up or pass out at the pentagon so i had to pull my shit together
He's prob getting laid right now and I'm sitting alone in my duct tape shoes.
my mom was in labor with me for 32 hours, it's only fair to start drinking now.
I won't apologize to a one balled man
Mark just took 50mg Viagra. Tonight should be interesting for the neighbors.
SUNS OUT COOCHY OUT
I gave her two orgasms and then we laid there and she ate jelly beans out of my belly button...that girls a keeper
So you were shitfaced and stole a fucking kayak?
Just flash them and yell "JUDGE THESE BITCHES"
Enjoy your early 30’s! You’re still young enough to catch a twenty something that can fuck 4 times a day, hot enough to date forty year old penises that can last long enough to give you multiple orgasms
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