apparentely "Beer Pong Champ" is not a profession, no wonder they havent called me back......
told ya
I hope my margaritas pass through security.
I woke up to a paper award certificate for best blow job and he was gone. You're welcome mystey man.
at first i was worried but she assured me her frail vegan body would have no chance at conception.
whatever it's my dick and i'll put it wherever i want
It's great having no responsibilities. In normal life I would be freaking the fuck out right about now. But the only worry I have from last night is where i got this shower caddy full of cookies. God I love college.
Hey I have your shoes. Do you remember shouting "Police brutality!" when the bouncer was kicking you out last night?
4 girls from the bar, me, strip basketball. here. NOW
My life is over. I farted in open court. Noticeably. The judge looked at me. It echoed.
He just kept repeating "not with an octopus" over and over for hours. Soooooo Porn Dare was a succes.
I can't believe I came last night staring into my profile pictures eyes.
I've been called an asshole for a lot of things in my life, but I never thought it would be because of potatoes
Who told you that acid and Jurassic World was a good idea?
dont remember, but I'm pretty sure I was convinced that the hybrid dinosaur was satan the whole time. It was actually very spiritual
Do you ever just feel the storm building inside of you that tells you you're ready for a giant indiscriminate fuckfest?
I had sex on a seadoo on the middle of the lake lastnight
Randomize
