I have a walk of shame I should be getting to. "Hey, by the way, what is your name?" is not a conversation I want to have today
i may or may not be watching the land before time
He fingered me while we both sang the fresh prince theme song.
Marry him
I just saw a woman point to her daughter and scream at her husband THIS IS YOUR GENES, THIS IS YOU.
fuck your aforementioned shoe
U shoulda just taken her to a stall and banged her and let me watch the game. Some friend u r.
They turned the water off again. Brushed my teeth with whats left from those pitchers of mojitos. So hung over i dont even care.
The cop was more concerned with the syringes on the dash board than looking for the source of the smoke. Thank god for diabetes!
I'm glad we're going to catch up. too bad it's over my vagina.
Just had an epiphany about how to drink more effectively in the shower. While walking across campus carrying a Franzia bag like Santa
It tastes like you we're too lazy to shower and instead just sprayed yourself with Febreeze.
You have a very discerning palate.
Hope you are okay. You were running down the street with shopping cart at one point and yelling "bitches aint shit!"
You’re sleeping on my couch so you’re not making dick appointments tonight
I'm going to tell you something and I want no judgement because it's america day and I'm wearing an American flag bathing suit but...I woke up in a yard.
Why would you ask him if you could lick his chest?
He has a very lickable chest
Randomize
