Shitting during a conference call is so empowering.
what happens if a cat eats a birth control pill? i mean i don't care about the cat i really just don't want to get pregnant
Do you think Conan would leave his wife for me?
We shared that special kind of eye contact that can only be experienced when you know one party is saying "Oh god, I fucked him in the back seat when you were in the front, didn't I."
where'd the toddler underneathe the beer pong table come from?
we made malted milkshakes. malt as in malt liqour.
He gave them shots of purell and called it "acid rain" jello shots. They took them.
I hate freshman.
I wasn't sure how he was going to followup "so,i shot myself.." i guess "w a nail gun" is the best choice out of what I expected
The camera shows a viking with a white mask, a creepy green guy, a gorilla, and a pumpkin throwing eggs and laundry detergent in his yard
OHHH and there was a Batman too.
THAT FUCKER WASTED TWO OF MY COLORED CONDOMS! HE DIDN'T EVEN FUCKING FINISH IN IT HE JUST SLAPPED IT ON AND WASTED IT!
We can Fuck in the shower to save time
And this is why I like you. You're so damn innovative.
I felt so bad but my urge to be with you & drunkenly eat your face was apparently much stronger.
Steve brought 6 joints and 2 bottles of makers mark, Josh shat himself in the pool, and Amy blew me. Hope that extra 3 dollars an hour for working overnights is still worth it.
I don't need inspirational quotes. If I'm going to be motivated, it will be by anger and spite.
IF THE SUNS NOT EVEN OUT THEN WHY IS HIS DICK OUT WTF
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