Chicken burrito, or no deal.
Is that code for my vagina?
Who the fuck has ever referred to a vagina as a chicken burrito
Im going to bring a boy home tonight, and not tell him that I have my period. So when he tries to fuck me, I say no, and look really classy. Then he thinks I'm marriage material. So I give him head.
I think I just saw my 8th grade band teacher trying to pick up a hooker
She told me she loves her boyfreind while she was giving me head. He must be a nice guy
THIS TIME TOMORROW MY VAG IS GONNA BE BRAND SPANKING NEW.
Also. I plan to spend time with you at boomers, high, teaching ourselves how to pee standing up.
I'm sad we weren't friends when I went through my "I like drugging my friends" phase
I had a dream I gave a blow job to a guy whose dick forked off into two. I'm going to spend the rest of my life confused.
Got drunk with him at an Irish pub ended up losing him for twenty minutes when I finally find him his piss drunk singing Irish folk music with a group of Irish guys and a midget
He meets the coolest people when he's drunk
and then I said "oh, I see the price of Plan B has gone up". and the pharmacist looked at me very sadly. I was just trying to make conversation.
Sarah is throwing up still and I'm eating salad with my fingers
I told her I was going to sleep early last night. I probably should not have sent that snapchat of us playing beer pong.
World Cup Drinking Game: Take a shot every time they call a foul for something we don't understand. Gotta risk it to get the biscuit.
Apparently this establishment won't let you rent a sailboat if you have been drinking rum all morning
Like, bro, how do you think I got the idea to go sailing
Everclear isn't food dammit
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