she was most def 27.5% uglier than a troll, but the sex was great
If there's ever a time when I've matured to the point that I don't want to look at camera-phone-titties, go ahead and bury me in a shallow grave by the railroad tracks.
please dont tell anyone i was drunk
you were publicly making out with a very old very spandex covered woman...they know
oh good. ive just found out that i went downstairs at 6 am still blacked out and had a 30 minute conversation with my mom about the different ways to feed our dog
this is probably the only time in my life that i would want to fuck thomas jefferson
I think I'm still fucked. I can see the electricty going through the street car lines
In conversation she brought up that she slept with Tucker Max on the UF football field
Pretty sure I recall hugging our waiter from the bar last night. That also means we are NEVER going there again
I think that means you're growing up...when your coke nail becomes your opening mail nail.
My ideal friend would be my dog as a drug dealer
I am never taking a razor down there again. He'll have to love me as I am.
He went out to smoke and when he came back I was still in the same spot naked and unable to breathe.
All I could say was, "ladies and gentlemen, THIS is why I drive 30 mins"
Yeah I would come and meet you but there's 3 polish girls yelling at a drunk polish guy in the carpark outside. They just dumped a whole pizza over his head and I want to see where this ends...
My neighbour just came round to ask why we posted a spatula through his door at 3am. What do I tell him??
Don’t drink the Bloody Mary - it’s vodka and salsa.
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