Excuse me do you have gonnorhea?
My bad bro. I had no idea that when i suggested our triva team name be my last abortion tickled, that she would bring up cancun. Stay strong i think she really liked you
found an unmarked box of photos in the garage, they were from when my parents first got together. It was fun laughing at their ridiculous eighties outfits and hairstyles, until I found a pic of my dad. naked. with a boner.
So we were sitting in his back seat and he asked me if I practiced giving head. I mean really, who asks that?
Why is your vibrator in the fridge?
I'm testing sex in Alaska before I go there.
my step dad just called me a drunken slut..someone in my family finally understands me
I get way too drunk to be trusted with family heirlooms
Confidence margaritas not a good idea. Just said foreskin in my presentation instead of foresight.
The bed I'm sleeping in has a headboard only handcuffs could love. I'm gonna pick up a local dude and wreck that.
Ok I am NOT pregnant. I could shove coal up my vagina and my uterus would turn it into a diamond in a matter of minutes
I literally have nothing else left to cut besides my drug budget; the dark days are among us
Wife and kids came home early...naked passed out covered in chili cheese Fritos dad will haunt them forever.
Every time you talk about your facial hair I immedately get horny
It was extremely weird and uncomfortable mid blow job she looks up and says " tell me Simon Cowell makes your dick hard"
How did I end up in some random dudes car?
Some guy came up to you and asked if you knew how to drive stick.
Randomize
