Dude I can't believe you let me go home with the wildabeast lastnight.
You always hook up with hot girls we had to know you were mortal
If you get a breast reduction, you have to let me see them before hand at least once. It's a rule.
New discovery: doing the Helen Keller is not as attractive as I thought it would be, in reference to the sex noises.
i'm waiting for the less fat version of him to text me
i can't tell if you're serious or not, but 420 is gonna be pirate themed
the water pistols in the freezer are full of voddka.
somehow, even strange, drunk, middle-aged men on the RTA can't understand why he'd choose her over me
maybe it's because you talk to strange, drunk, middle-aged men on the RTA
Haha...we lost by one cup to a guy w shitty facial hair. What makes me most mad abt the loss is that I could grow a better beard on my vag.
holy shit thats the most artistic dick pic ever
YOU WERE HAVING SEX IN THE SAME BED I WAS SLEEPING IN. AND YOU GRABBED MY HAIR. OF COURSE I'M PISSED.
If you find my purse on your yacht please call me - girl you slept with after yacht party
Is this what it's like to be an adult? You plan out play dates for your vagina?
I feel like I spent all day wearing underpants made entirely of poison ivy and sandpaper
YOUR MANICOTTI IS FULL OF LIES
Sorry i meant to send that to my mom
I don't think you understand I turned down McDonalds for you.
Randomize
