my dog ran away and came back with a marajuana plant. what are you doing tonight?
She told me to stay away from him cause apparently he fucks anything that walks. clearly i responded with..."i walk"
these marshmallows taste like mayonnaise. like playing tetris on a gameboy, that's what these marshmallows mean.
I'm making you a bingo card for hookups of the school year 2011-12 so you can make even worse life decisions next year
So awkward... The newspaper lady just caught me sitting stoned in my driveway at 5 am and asked if I was okay. I'm way better than ok right now
we used the fire extinguisher you had been cuddling with to decorate the cop car while they were inside arresting everyone
he sent me a pic of his dick and balls out with sunglasses over them like a face. i was at dinner.
do you still have it? i kinda want to see.
What is soo wrong about a house of half-naked people hugging each other and laughing?
The pinata full of drugs?
Well I took a spicy wing shit in a field this morning.
Should I be flattered that she mumbled "You're the king of my face" before passing out?
I can't believe I haven't fucked an Elvis impersonator yet.
The cashier looked at my basket, looked at me and said "That's a lot of wine." I looked at her and said "Mother in law." She nodded approvingly.
So he has moved up to a stage 5 clinger...Surprised he didn't try to lure you into bed with tacos, like he did last time
Yeah... akward. I don't want a round 2
Sitting in the car eating a bagel. Watching a guy do tai chi in the parking lot. My morning is fabulous
Bug bite on my vagina. I think we need to stop this 'sex in awesome places campaign.'
Randomize
