A. What the fuck are period panties? B. Don't ever wear them around me... or bears.
after giving each other head, we had a really nice post-oral heart to heart. found out he lost his virginity in a threesome.
Sorry I tried to blow your roommate in your room. I felt more at home there.
I seriously might throw up right now. In class. Sunglasses on. I'm getting too old for this.
Just come here and visit. Enjoy the deliciousness of me being legal. Just don't think, and come here right meow. meow meow meow.
It's okay, I found my phone in the toaster oven. Logical explanation: 5 martinis
I tried...failed..now im naked on the futon since clothes are hard.
Woke up on a mattress on a roof this morning with a pair of briefs next to me. Oh fleet week.
So if her brother fucks my brother, can I just tell her that anal sex is in her genes?
It's midsummers eve. A.k.a. come over so we can get drunk and wear leaf crowns
You yelled "NICE PAJAMAS" at a construction worker wearing a reflective jumpsuit while we rode past on a bike taxi
I walked into her room to find her sitting on the end of her bed with her heads in her hands talking to herself. She kept muttering things like "What? How? No. What? I don't --- How?" $10 says she's pregnant.
I'll see to your $10 and raise you $40.
I gave you chlamydia, you gave me a concussion. Now we're even.
I feel I should send an apology letter to my anesthesiologist.
It's only 9 and these two girls are already walking around Walmart barefoot and holding their heels. WE NEED TO STEP IT UP.
Randomize
