i am sick of getting naked and seeing how fat i am.
Maybe I'll tuck it in and pretend to be a woman pretending to be a man that is attracted to women that are attracted to women who look like men
win or lose for butler, i'm still masturbating to brad stevens tonight
Last night I dreamed I was having gay sex in prison. That's the last time we go to theme night at the club.
sweet and enthusiastic is code for tiny dick.
He told me he felt like he shoud say thank you and as a prize i could keep anything from his room that i wanted.
At least you got some premium homework time. Still drinking vodka from a coffee cup?
I switched to water. When the numbers get blurry you are no longer being productive.
Today is definitely a "stand over the toilet and pee through the opening at the bottom of my boxers" kind of day.
I guess the silver lining is that having a big dick really comes in handy when you're hungover.
It's a mixed blessing.
Also, if someone could cut me off before im rolling around the yard pantsless with a 40 year old lesbian that would be awesome.
Note to self: do not ride giant beanbag chair down stairs.
I have a cracked rib, no way in hell I'm bottoming for him tonight!
I don't know what happened this summer, I've lost my sense of morality. All I do now is work, get drunk, and have sex near national landmarks.
apparently while i was high i thought that putting a dinosaur temporary tattoo on my inner thigh would keep me from taking my pants off and having sex with him...
...it didn't...
You texted me the words "butt stuff" 53 times in a four hour period last night.
I got my period on eclipse day. I'm officially in line with the moon.
Randomize
