So she stayed over last night and slept walked in to my moms room where she used the bathroom and then proceeded to get in bed with my moms naked boyfriend. So yeah, at least now my family got to meet her.
No, you can still breathe under the balls.
Dude I'm drinking a martini out of a water bottle, I've become my parents.
I'm drinking bacardi out of her mom's eco-green starbucks mug and chasing it with her sister's "for track only" vitamin water. Hello suburbia
And if it was a miscarriage you should figure out whose it was. He must be an alphamale for his offspring to sustain life this long in the amusement park that is your body
My blowjobs put them in a state of relaxation similar to that of getting hit with a tranquilizer. The fear comes after the sex.
I've made a list of places I want to have sex this summer. #1: Reptile House at the zoo.
I know it sucks but it's just something that needs to be done though. Like shaving ur pubes or going to the dentist.
When this bachelor party is over and your life is in ruins, you have my permission to die.
And you will no longer be getting a thank you note from my vagina
I asked the subway guy how many cookies he thought I could smuggle into the bar. He said it looked like a 6 packer. he was correct
I think it was a low point but honestly at this point I've had so many that my life is like a valley
Please clarify that he is speaking of beer pong and not rough sex
Guy just walked into the bathroom with only socks on and took a 5second shit. It is taking me longer to type this than for him to shit, wash hands, and leave the bathroom. WTF? Still wondering why he only had socks on.
long story short, he tried to fuck me standing up, toppled over, and now I have four stitches next to my eye
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