I just saw the girl you left with - Chris Hansen's looking for you
is it wrong that i woudl like to tie u down to the baby changing station using the straps provided?
just printed 333 ways to get kicked out of wal-mart. hello thursday night.
Seeing him suck some chick's face on VH1 wasn't exactly how I imagined the "we should see other people" conversation going.
he was wearing a tuxedo, i was naked...it's a long story.
ONE NIGHT STAND. You have 27 minutes before the offer expires, so I suggest you hurry.
I may have just serenaded the sadface couple sitting on a bench outside the dorm by singing Bye Bye Bye.
"Every minute you spend hanging out with David is a minute you could spend meeting someone new, who isn't a huge douche" - Buddha
Say what you will, but only I can throw up on someone's door and make it look like art.
That's the last time I'm letting you drink that apple vodka
So the woman who sold us weed at the park is pregnant. With another small child. And the basket she used to carry the joints is decorated with Barney stickers.
She's like a yuppie Nancy Botwin. She just gets better and better.
There was so much jailbait at the festival that there was no other option but to drink my morals away
I hate college football. It's really fucking with our phone sex schedule.
I can't believe there are people our age getting engaged and I can't even find a solid coke dealer.
He lit my hand on fire and bought me chicken nuggets. I'm in love.
Why in the hell is there a guy dressed up as a horse passed out in our kitchen.
happy birthday!
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