She was drunk and kept trying to talk while I was in her mouth. It sounded like the teacher from a Charlie Brown cartoon!
Do you ever think God made girls unattractive around their periods as a warning?
he texted me at 1 in the morning to ask if i wanted to come over and play in the snow with him
at least he gets points for a creative booty call
Just got roadhead in a driving snowstorm. That shit should be a Winter X games event.
I don't even have to sign up for karaoke at duncans anymore. The karaoke ppl just sign me up themselves. Without my consent. I also sang stacys mom to some lady named Stacy who's mom died yesterday.
My mom just used the words "ice cunt". It may be an interesting day afterall.
I wish! That ended in 2001 when we all got collectively band from the Settle Inn. As a group we are also band from social events at the zoo. It's impressive really.
I've lost all respect for marriage since I joined this bachelor party.
I'm hungry
Come here to eat and play. It'll be like Dave and Busters except with sex
She said my new name was "ranch" because I "looked delicious"
I got laxative. And a toothbrush. Because who wants to buy just laxative on a Friday night?
In my defense, I haven't stolen anyone's clothes yet.
Yeah, that's a plus.
Timehop reminded me that 4 years ago today I helped a one armed man do the YMCA by being his other arm.
Then, he ate me out while I watched Bo Burnham. Best. Night. Ever.
I don't remember what you did, but I DO remember that i'm supposed to hate you for it.
Randomize
