She's a black belt cougar in the 6th degree.
if I could go back to kindergarten and not fuck up my life, I so would.
So my boyfriend is on his way over and there is no time to wash the sheets from when I had his roommate over earlier. Put them in the dryer with a damp bounce sheet. Win?
This is a whole new level of slut for you....do they smell ok?
Can the rest of this semester just go by as a montage?
Life is so much better when you know you're gonna get laid soon.
I just got a new temperpedic mattress pad and started smoking weed again in the same week. finding motivation to go to a 9:AM class is close to impossible.
I had to convince you not to write "happy birthday to the first guy who fingered me" on his facebook wall, right above the post from his current girlfriend's mother.
Regular drunk falling on flat ground did not prepare me for drunk falling into a pile of firewood.
I don't care how stoned you are, I'm not driving to a different state for a burrito
I NEED ANOTHER LEVEL OF CAPS TO EXPRESS TO YOU THE MAGNITUDE OF MY FADDEDNESS
Way to ruin everything
I am drinking jager with a cat, your argument is invalid
It's basically the same plan, only step one gets revised to "look hot enough that he forgets I fucked his roommate"
Cocaine bath bombs are a really bad idea
why is there a thong in the fridge-NOT MINE-and a half of a pickle on the stairs?!
I don't wear thongs. The picle was for dipping. Ill explain later. Lacy or plain thong ?
You were so drunk, you kept telling everyone you had a platinum vagina.
Randomize
