I'm pants shitting drunk right now
I totally thought the tree was playing the guitar
so we had a 20 minute conversation and created the fb page WWND (what would Nana do?) last night after we took our Ambien...that is my definition of an overachiever
i just missed the spain goal because i was puking in the bathroom. damn you open bar.
I wonder if they'd let me siphon the gas out my car before they impound it
False alarm I know hes alive because when i tried shaking him awake he pissed his pants and rolled over..
The creepiest man is serenading me at the bar right now. I had about a quarter of a drink left and the bartender just walked over and filled it with vodka and walked away laughing.
Walking down the street, Bro bumping to 'still' by dre. Dropped his trash on the ground and aggressively sped up when his light turned green. If you still had love for the streets you wouldn't of fucking littered. Took everything for me not to yell at him. I know you would've.
Twice. I only peed my pants twice tonight.
I'll only sleep there if we can bone on your balcony.
your penis is a great and majestic leader among the penises.
Hey, I left a taco in your dishwasher.
Good news, finally found someone who remembers Saturday night. Bad news, everyone in the bar saw your penis
I'm 80% sure I have pink eye. This is my penance for being a homewrecker.
I think I'm gunna glue a sign to my head that says "WAKE ME UP BEFORE 7!" And go to sleep and hope a kind passer by wakes me up for my exam .
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