I cant wait to get the disapproving look from this elderly black lady...
Only now do I see "not intended for use on skin" warning. Wonderful. But hey, my dick smells like magic marker.
It's Monday. What a great day to start the weekend on the week of st. Patricks day
A girl limped into my class 15 minutes late wearing sunglasses, leggings, and a kiss me im irish shirt. She sat down and took her glasses off and im pretty sure she only had one eye's makeup still on. Someone had a great st pattys day.
vegan vag taste different. and not a good different
I'm starting to think The only feelings I have anymore are drunk and hung over
you can't hurt those
But like now everytime I pee I just think... wow I had sex with him on this toilet.
Im not moving so it's going to have to be a 3 some.
You walked away saying that you had to pee and you never came back. We found you an hour later in his roommate's bed. Under the covers. Still in your wet bathing suit.
I feel like that needs to be the last time i end a text with "fuck them i love tequila".
They said I was more of a mess than the German. I have achieved the unachievable, you may bow down to me
Some guy just drank alcohol from me shoe..I think he's had enough..
We were all day drunk by 2pm. Now I know why they hate Americans
If you don't see me at the bar tomorrow night, I was most likely captured by the communists.
You do realize it’s only a matter of time before I have a bad day and come home with an alpaca?
Randomize
