They keep asking what you are doing. I told them to quit calling her "what."
i don't know how the hand towel got involved, but i peed all over it
No. I remember how loud you used to get. Trust me.
Very nice. It looks like a Fisher-Price My First Dildo, but still very nice.
please don't text me until you can spell three letter words again.
I'm putting you on my Emergency card so i can spend the last ounce of strength in my hospital bed to flip you off.
Some guy is here using a taser on people. I'm up next
Woke up and took my pants off only to realize that I was wearing my shirt from last night as my underwear
You know you're high when, "Why can't I steal the duck?!" Becomes a serious question.
Dude, I totally just made my launch phrase on my new phone "Wingardium Leviosa" so that when people try it and it doesn't work I can say, "It's leveeOHsa, not leveeoh-SA."
I met someone else! And I had a wonderful orgasm! And he wants to see me again, like take me out!
I complemented his smile, he sends me a dick pic. Seriously?
Is it bad when I wake up sore & don't know if my injuries are from sex or the mechanical bull at the bar?
So hungover that I might just sit in my car and wait until chipotle opens...in two hours...
Stranded. In bathroom stall. No toilet paper. I repeat NO TOILET PAPER! Assistance needed asap. GO! GO! GO!
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