Tonight was fucked up. First my mom called me and told me I had to go to the bar to pick up my dad 'cause he was drunk. Then when I got there my dad was doing a body shot from this lady who happened to be my 1st grade teacher. By far the most awkward car ride home. Idk if I should tell my mom or not.
i was unsuccessful, further solidifying for me that girls should not masturbate.
you know whats weird about having a girlfriend....I look forward to masturbating now....sort of like quality me time.
I am kinda proud of you, its like seeing my slutty baby take its first step
You need to get here now. Before they realize I'm not puerto rican.
I was just about to send a concerned text until I opened my door and saw a shopping cart. I'm glad you made it home in one piece and with toys.
There was definitely a significant amount of cookie dough in my bra
My logic for bringing him home was, he's in law school so odds are he wouldn't kill me.
so my pro life roomate found a used condom wrapped up in her sheets with your panties. never letting you have sex in her bed again
I have to pee in a cup in the morning and they are going to say....you just peed a miller light. I'm going to hang my head in shame and say yes...yes I did.
He watches the nature channel every time I am here. It's like a manipulation technique because baby zebras will get me every time.
Is it customary to send a 'thank you card'to someone who gave you awesome oral as a gift at your housewarming party?
the bucket list is making me question my morals...and sexuality
I will give him this, every time we go to the club he gets a stripper's actual number.
I'm eating dinner with his parents and my phone goes "MOVE BITCH GET OUT THE WAY!" Thanks.
Randomize
