I'm so bored, I can only pretend that this truck is a spaceship for so long.
So my earrings and necklace kept jingling and hitting him in the face, and he told me felt like he was fucking a Christmas tree
she was puking into the toilet drowning herself saying "its okay im a swimmer"
I walk in and my mom takes one look at me and just says, ".... Consequences"
right before he passed out he said "take care of your tender spirit"
Not only have I fallen off the wagon, it ran me over and just kept going...
No, we will not be going out tonight. We are trying to grow the toy donkey in whiskey rather than water. Serious fucking science. Have fun at the boring bar while we Bill Nye it up in this bitch.
So I woke up with a terribly bandaged finger an then discovered a pot of bloody onions on the stove.....who the fuck decided it was a good idea for me to try and cook
Threw up in hyvee parking lot. Thanksgiving shopping complete.
I literally cut myself out of my pants. What is my life.
I gave you chlamydia, you gave me a concussion. Now we're even.
I don't suppose you have a recipe for a cocktail made of bitter resignation, regretting everything, poor life descisions and deep-seated self-loathing?
Ik youre sleeping but fyi its 5:32am I'm sitting in the middle of the road bra less and shoeless with boxers in my hand and no ride. Shits real crazy.
so idk what that means but now because of me he has a police file as breaking into my apartment and sleeping in my hallway under the carpet
Just realized that I indirectly pay for sex through my cable bill
Wow. He is an expensive lay
I still have to figure out the cost per lay. It could be a financially sound investment
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