i just spent the last half hour thinking about my totally irrational and intense hatred of wedge flip flops.
I turn the corner to find her walking in the front door in a tee-shirt, two different shoes and no pants. All she said to me was "I'm sad"
It's like eating cereal and milk but instead of cereal it's gummy bears and instead of milk it's vodka.
This is your liver's 7:15 wake up call. Mandatory margarita popsicles after work today. Rule #71: no excuses, play like a champ!
I don't even know where to begin....there's queso sauce and public hair stuck to everything
I used to not like fucking fat girls but with her gut clapping against her boobs, its like a standing ovation ever time.
Second wind. Either that or my heart is about to explode. I'm hoping the first one.
What's the address?
Too drunk. Just google it.
IT'S YOUR HOUSE
At one point they were sandwiching me, both petting my stomach, mad dogging each other. Then they somehow telepathically decided to both try to pull my pants down. Such nice guys.
You ever got drunk on $5? Cuz it's about to happen
Like theyre better than no shoes. I'm sitting her balls naked playing xbox in nothing but crocs with the fur
Just found dollar bills in my sheets. What part of the weekend am I forgetting?
the amount I squirted last night was insane. Im glad i ignored tlc's advice, i went chasing waterfalls and loved every god damn minute of it.
This friendship isnt goin to work if you dont respond to my drunk texts
what the fuck happend anyway? How did it go from smoothies after work to blacking out?
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