tried to be sexy and unbutton his shirt with my teeth. ended up slobbering all over it. thank god he was already passed out
i realized really quickly that drinking a bottle of vodka and 3 crystal light packets wasn't the best idea i've ever had
Awkward interaction of the day: Staring at some guy trying out if he is or is not the guy that woke me up yesterday by getting arrested in front of my apartment.
I think I'm getting too used to throwing up in the reception trash can. It doesn't even phase me anymore
we're going to drop off one of our cars at the police station tonight so we'll be able to drive home in the morning
I think its safe to assume that the 40yr old undergraduate with purple and pink in her hair and a tattoo of the eiffel tower above her ass crack has never actually been to Paris...
Claiming territory at this party means signing a girls ass...I've got dibs on a blonde
First thing on my "to do" list- get sober for community service.
Dude, you were so wasted she couldn't wait. She was grinding your face while you were passed out in the yard.
I came in and she was laying on the ground just stoking it saying "the floor is where our feet step"
I just told him I want him to "take the reins". At least its festive sexting?
She tackled him mid-puke while the other two were cutting up a $60 dildo with a kitchen knife and putting the pieces in a Corona bottle.
He got the life proof phone case so he could jack off in the shower without his wife knowing
Is it bad when your own grandmother calls you a whore?
She’s the kind of asshole whose face I want to put on a T-shirt just so I can go outside and burn it.
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