real busy. everything is packed. thats why we ended up at the strip club
No one appreciates an amoeba in a balloon hat.
there's a girl in the library on mysapce. she must have missed the memo.
He wore my sunglasses on his honeymoon..... so there's that.
He just showed up at my house and was like "have you seen an axe laying around?" he wasnt wearing any shoes.
I just looked at a girl and was like what disease does she have? And then my mind caught up ohhh shes pregnant.
Please tell me there isn't another video of me on the toilet...
So the next three days will be henceforth known as the 'celebration of the end of the most irresponsible years of my life' be prepared to wake up naked in a ditch.
not even kidding I just received the single most greatest head I have ever had.. It was unreal. It was like stick my dick into a silk bag of puppy ears.
Come to my pity party. It's being hosted in my basement. The theme is ambiguously sexual cuddling and wine.
I'm going to fix your towel rack. I broke it while I was dancing on it.
And then you two got up and shouted in near perfect unison "I'M ALWAYS A SLUT FOR BASKIN ROBBINS" The bar just looked at us horrified.
Just threw up in the trash can at my desk. I guess "beating the hangover" eventually leads to this.
Dude.. She just busted into my house wearing a ski mask, a poncho, and thigh-high pink hooker boots and yelled, "THE CABS ARE HEEERRREEE!!"
I knew how high you were when you put a french fry in your mouth and said 'fuck, this tastes like meat but feels blue.'
Randomize
