are you wasted or are you getting laid?
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wow
Fuck him. I'll set him on fire for you. Then we'll see how good of a firefighter he is.
i lost my airplane ticket and tried to board with a bar receipt in all the confusion. i have officially lost all brain cells in college.
Semen is not good for contacts.
Idk. Each time I ask him about double teaming a woman with Dennis Rodman he just giggles. We will never know what to believe.
i introduced myself to everyone by my new name, thundergooch. i threatened the neighbors with a hammer when they used my real name. needless to say, sailor jerry was not kind to me.
I overcharge people for their weed so you can have yours for free, because I care
Just face planted the stairs. Apparently Santa brought an extra step while I was at the bar... Fucking dick
Oddly enough, the sex change dream i had made me miss you more.
You threw a handful of caps into a pitcher of Heineken and asked everyone if they wanted to go "bobbing for molly"
after what u told me last night I think we're past the wtf zone and at this point u should just join me in wondering if my barista lover is a gay porn star
Update: they told me I was twerking to twenty one pilots
I wonder how many people saw me whip my junk out and bang it on the light post in front of holabird bar and liquors last night. I'm about tired of having to do that.
Nobody saw you except the people in the bar, because you weren't outside. You were inside, and you were smacking it on the mens bathroom door handle
I really hate whoever invented fireball.
I gave her two orgasms and then we laid there and she ate jelly beans out of my belly button...that girls a keeper
I fucked a 6 foot tall guy who has abs showing without even flexing... I am a wizard and I have magical powers.
Randomize
