I just caught myself dancing like an old lady in the shower. Have I reached the age where booty dancing stops and swaying of the upper body begins?
I'm bringing in a picture of a stranger on facebook to get my haircut. I have reached a new level of creepy.
Turning 21 on Saint Patty's day. I like to think this is what my alcoholic ancestors have prepared me for
Dear drunk me, don't shave my balls til you're sober. My junk looks like a pomeranian with mange.
You act as if I'm the first person to pee in the Taco Bell drive thru at 2 AM, I'm sure a lot worse things have happen in that drive thru than my urine.
How many beers are too many "cause it's Archer Thursday" beers?
By the third Id pass back i figured the bouncer had fucked one of us.
tried doing a cartwheel after 10 beers. Guess who has a dislocated shoulder.
"Functional." Your standards for how you feel after drinking are so high.
When your night starts by chugging margarita and drinking vodka out of tupperware, I feel it's best to stay realistic.
He called from a stranger phone to say. He was a t a liquior store and there was a long line they have no condoms. This is the guy i was gonna go on a date with
Atleast he is letting you know he will be late
There are no female cereal mascots. I just realized that in my drunken state... So sexist...
As a heterosexual male nursing student, the odds are ever in my favor. My first semester has basically been The Horny Games. I've killed almost all of the competitors at this point.
i peed in the parking lot at work not even thinking, a woman saw
I can't wait to get to LA so I can punch her in the face
New drinking game get out your high school year book and take a shot for everyone in your class who's had a baby!
Randomize
