Hi Jason, it's Liz. We dont need you to pick us up anymore. I dont care if you will be here in a milisecond. And you should know im wearing really amazing shoes.
im on my way to getting "i just graduated college with no money, no job, and no plan" drunk
kindergarten is hard when you're hung over.
Dear yesterdays makeup, Thank you for always being there when I stay up late binge drinking on weeknights and am running late to work Friday morning. You're the best.
had to bail. she had her cat tattooed on her
They really brought out their best strippers for vday weekend
And after getting thrown out of the frat house, getting carried up the hill for a half an hour, puking 5 times, and almost getting stopped by campus security, she still insisted he sleep with her. Gotta give her credit, even blacked she kept her eyes on the prize
Dude, so the police showed up at my house with my wallet told me they found it in the church fountain then handed me a pamphlet on AA saying it was from the pastor. What happend?
He drank his beer out of his own shoe. Its his "party trick"
Then my perve supervisor asked about your vagina. And I was like nunya, but its glorious
If by some world ending natural disaster I get into an actual relationship with this kid, should I tell him the truth about the web of lies I've based our current relationship on?
I'm still not sure how to feel about the fact that we had a threesome with a guy the same age as my dad
I wanna eat mushrooms and cuddle with a million dogs at once. I wanna know what heaven is like
I was giving this fat lawyer a table dance and he asked me if I would be willing to play with his long, hard stick of the law. And you want me to stop drinking at work?
Found out that I went to the same elementary school as the guy I'm hooking up with. Kosher or no
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