saw him outside... he got fatter, i got blonder. the winner is obvious.
Sometimes i look at the biltmore estate and wonder just how small George Vanderbilt's penis was...
I hope my margaritas pass through security.
I don't think requesting him as a BBM contact is proper protocol following vomming in his bed.
True. I'd rather snort cocaine off a homeless guy then work on the weekend...Actually that may not be that bad.
let's see, i ended up walking for an hour towards a macdonalds that didnt exist, sprinted full tilt into a powerline, and left a 30 dollar tip to a waitress at dennys we made friends with. I REGRET NOTHING
I'm just going to say , cocktail races are not for a Wednesday night maybe not even a Friday type of deal
My girlfriend is pregnant with her exs baby. 2014 just became the worst year
Dislocated my knee during sex, popped it back in and kept going. Then got simpathy chipotle out of it too.
Guess who isn't pregnant with a random sex ocean baby?!?!
My fridge door just caught on fire somehow.
You may have gone on a date, but I ate chicken nuggets shaped like dinosaurs for dinner tonight. I think we both know who the real winner is here.
That's a beautiful sentiment.
She came into the salon and said, "Don't judge me. Yes that's cum in my hair and I want a shampoo, cut and style."
Theres about 23 grilled cheese sandwiches stuck to my ceiling and tomato soup all over the kitchen. You are never allowed over again. Ever.
It was bad. U were calling my cat "kittiano" and playing her like a piano. Way too drunk my friend.
Randomize
