Fucking Canada. At least when they wake up tomorrow they're still in Canada
Is it bad that I had sex with another guy on my boyfriend's bed while he's out of town?
Just flip the mattress, it erases all
Done and done
surgery went fine. i cant breath out of my right nostril though. lets not eat peas anymore when we are drunk.
did we decide the 'sorry about the threesome' cake was too flippant?
It's official drugs can't kill me
I can hear my parents having sex. I REPEAT. I CAN HEAR MY PARENTS HAVING SEX! THIS IS NOT A DRILL!
Your mom is 55 and has MS. To be honest, I'm proud of her, and you should be too, bitch.
And then you proceeded to sneak behind thee bar and hold up an empty bottle of vodka and scream LOOK WHO THE BARTENDER IS NOW BITCH!
I thought you were single?
I am. But thats cuz no one wants to marry shame and regret doused in tequila. But thanks for reminding me ya dick.
I think we can all agree that the size of her boobs, combined with beer, is destroying my ability to judge looks.
what a fun peer-pressure-filled weekend
well i don't NEED my liver but it's nice to have one when you're trying to have a good time
FINE YOU CAN EAT HOT WINGS WHILE WE HAVE SEX
Hey I can officially say I made out with a drug lord.
Foreign objects found in purse this morning include: chocolate covered pretzels, pepper spray, and farm animal shaped key chains (you know the ones you squeeze and fake poop comes out, yea those)
beggars cant be choosers....im desperate and he has a dick. he checks all the boxes.
Randomize
