I'm so fucking centered right now
R you on birth control?
No, why?
...no reason
omg... punch me in the throat... I am about to lose my mind with my parents.. I'm not saying I agree with the menendez brothers.. but I understand
he was like Britney Spears in bed.. a little chubby and too medicated to perform.
Is your delayed response due to the massive amount of judging going on?
She had another shot and asked if I wanted to taste her tongue ring. Then I helped her pee.
A girl at the bar is wearing green body paint instead of a shirt. Where are you?!
It's a goat... but where the fuck did it come from?
New year means new boundaries for the Brazilian lady.. I'm pretty sure I got wax on my asshole
I screamed "I want dick!" in the middle of the intersection. So many hot guys. I wish you were here.
And I'm stuck at home while my dad's in vegas hanging out with Zach gali... Zach... That guy from the hangover
What would you say is the recommended tip for a hotel maid who has to clean up vomit on just about every surface of a hotel bathroom?
I've decided to take one for the team and bang the landlady for lower rent.
gonna guess the empty vodka bottle and open can of tuna in the bathroom drawer are related?
Just in case you forgot, you puked all over your boss house, pissed on his coffee table, and were then thrown out by his wife
Randomize
