Im glad youre not pregnant with that New Jersey assholes baby. Your vagina would have smelled worse than Newark.
What can I expect? While all of my friends are getting married, all of his friends are tripping on robitussin
Rooting for you and your team in the Beer Olympics this afternoon...! Love you, Mom
I have a ginormous moral hangover. Strip club blues.
You were mounting an escalator last night, shouting "I have no health insurance" at people
I can now tell my grandchildren Central Park has really great spots for quickies...
if i can get a chik with a dibaetes pump naked a sling certainly isnt going to get in my way
But Alex is drunk in Philly and I told him to come see me so that's "first-love,-drunk,-high,-and-it's-a-snow-day-hook-up-with-an-ex" points. 69
our friendships a beautiful delicate flower...that has been crushed by peni
we got cupcakes after we fucked. gives a whole new meaning to sugar daddy
when i woke up with 300+ messages I didn't except them to be about coyotes and burning shoes.
He asked me while we were fishing why the passion was gone when we have sex. It's official...I am the dude in this relationship.
Details are irrelevant. Come bail me out of jail.
Yeah everywhere i go i feel like a 3rd or 5th or (2n+1)th wheel. That's right, i'm a mathematically depressed drunk.
The shower rod just came down while I was pooping. I caught it though and the curtain stayed on, so I'm not sure if it's a good or bad omen for the rest of my day
Randomize
