Im drinkin out of a coconut! I think im gonna dip my balls in it!
Its only 8 and she is already passed out
Perfect here is wht u do. Gently slip your index middle and ring finger into her butt hole but gently u dont wnt to wake her..let me know when ur ready for step 2
Breakfast of vicodin and eggs out of a solo cup at about three in the afternoon on a wednesday...I have my life together
We all need desperate help. Maybe we should just become a group of people who walk around town and shit in peoples air vents
I'm down.
I am 90% sure the kid in front of me in class is picking his face spots, smelling it, and then eating it. That is a LOT of % sure for something like that.
The bubbles in my bathtub are singing to me in german....
My mom is holding a picture of me, crying, and saying "where did I go wrong" over and over again.
Is it going to be one of those nights where I shouldn't wear my contacts so everyone looks more attractive?
She ended up puking in the bathroom. But she's a good drunk... i told her to stay in there so i could dance til the club closed. She was still in the stall an hour later.
Well, I've taken the art of car peeing to new heights
I want morning sex. We can incorporate maple syrup into it somehow, it'll be fun
Your boyfriends underwear are hanging from my kitchen window. Where the fuck are you?!
He has great taste in girls. I feel closer to my Eskimo sisters than my real sister...
Yelled "don't taze me bro" as the police officer tazed me. Cross it off the list.
The abomination is in progress. At least one barista side eyed me and the other has fear in her eyes
Randomize
