I can't get into him, he looks really young. I'd feel like I was blowing the Gerber baby.
I have left a significant number of teethmarks in my prhone. My mouth tastes like tequila and cheddar. Tomorrow already feels fun.
I just hotboxed my laundry basket.
He bought me a pink rose and a Plan B. I really like this guy.
YOU STOLE THE WEDDING CAKE?!?!
Only one tier
Tastes like cardboard anyway
Still slightly drunk, sitting in Hyde park village. Two small children are dancing and singing "call me maybe" on the fountain in front of me. Am I hallucinating?
You gotta start bringing a flask to work so you can get a head start
Possibly a very genius or very terrible idea...
Went kayaking. drunk. DID NOT FALL IN. Mission succesful.
I'm either a high functioning alcoholic or I'm making the most of the fact that this is the last year that its socially acceptable to be black-out drunk five days a week.
Can we make love to the Space Jam soundtrack?
I bet your mom's never met a girl who's thrown up at the presidential inauguration before though.
Officially hit an ultimate low today. I was so hung-over I threw up on the ground in front of the jousting display in the London tower. But on a positive note, Brits are very understanding when you vomit on their history.
All i want from a relationship is to get drunk watch pirates of the Caribbean and have sex
So I tried to catch a rabbit in Terraria & accidentally blew it up with a grenade made of bees. Monty Python would be proud.
Note to self: I can rip apart her vagina and she'll still cuddle with me, but if I steal her Chapstick she'll murder me !?
Randomize
