your drunk exhusband is tryin to get with my drunk exgirlfriend. i think its funny. if you still talk to him dont say anything.
we're not divorced.
The girl I brought home was really impressed with the pile of blow you were doing while watching "Intervention."
At first I felt shameful, waking up naked next to a box of oreos and half a can of cake frosting...then I realized, this could be a bigger discovery than Atlantis.
Just saw some airport workers running through the terminal with liquor bottles. That's my kind of emergency.
you got thrown out for pissing in a cup in the corner. you told one guy it was okay because you went to college and that he wouldn't understand
It hit me after I slept with his best friends and brother, that maybe I took it a bit far
Either you made a spaghetti vodka smoothie last night, or you puked in the blender.
I think I fixed my testicle. That's why I didnt pay $25 for a doctor to do it
Apparently I walked to Denny's in the pouring rain without shoes just socks last night. Excellent.
He's going to be my graduation present to myself.
Sometimes I think about the fact that I lost my virginity while watching anime and I wonder what that says about me
I just spilled a shot of Patron on your mom.. Body shots may be happening. You better get here quick.
he's 22 and listens to dad music. if i hear one more modest mouse song i'll never blow him again
They gave me 4 meds at the health center and said not to take alcohol with any of them. Guess ill wait until tomorrow to feel better.
You microwaved all of my silverware, I don't care if you spent all your money on tequila, you're paying for this.
Randomize
