I use a guy for sex and get three minutes out of him. go figure
the entire time we were hooking up i couldn't stop thinking about the bengals. thoughts?
You just kept yelling "SATAN!" at me every time I walked by
I just caught Brandon licking the fake chocolate on a smores ornament
I just tried to light a cigarette with a tube of lipstick. If I had stayed in girl scouts maybe I could've made that happen.
This kid is drunk.
I hope by "this kid" you mean yourself and not some child you have kidnapped and gotten wasted.
Somehow after we left in 3 different cars to all go to different places we still all ended up in the emergency room
Remember that crazy chick I've been ignoring and said I wouldn't bang her again? Can we start that again part today?
it's like a replay of two fridays ago...except not in a motel and i'm not having sex in the shower.
THEY WONT LEYT ME IN AND I REALLY NEED SOME FRUIT
I used to be terrified of what was under your bed until I passed out there last night. Now it just feels like home.
When were you at my house?
So I'm pretty sure I told every one at the party that "I'm going to fuck my pillow pets tonight?"
So apparently there is enough alcohol to get me to agree to going to a strip club, but when I have enough they don't let me in.
I went to Walmart last night to buy some CDs--which is a sentence I never thought I'd say in 2016.
Like if I exploded right now there would be cum and fajitas everywhere.
Randomize
