Going to spend my cab money on more shots and just take the ambulance home
I wish we could go back in time and find our best farts ever
hey my socially awkward cousin is our designated driver for summer, we just have to put up with her wierd shit.
then you asked me to turn your jeans into "jorts" just long enough to cover your ballsack
There's a girl in front of me with a see through white shirt on and her back says I suck bad dick. Fun night hun?
No, don't worry. We're not going to get THAT arrested.
Nope it's him. He's whispering to himself and buying asparagus.
I made my rape whistle into a roach clip device. FRESHMAN YEAR!
There was a reason that "Throat Warrior 2011" was written on my martini glass. He said my title was undisputed.
Boxed wine mondays was one of our finer ideas
I feel that my cleavage set an unattainably high bar for 2013.
I feel like I deserve an award for facing my fear of penises in my face.
He fucked me so hard my nail polish actually chipped. I'm keeping him.
You would only karaoke to Spanish songs, but sang with the accent of the french candle stick in beauty and the beast.
WAKE THE EFF UP THE UBER DRIVER IS TRYING TO TAKE ME HOME
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