Just heard someone use the phrase "slut mustard" in a sentence. Win.
On a side note, I now know what a $150 cab ride looks like
I heard from anne today. She has a broken collarbone and is knocked up. Apparently florida is awesome
I incognito puked under the VIP table. Did Jersey proud.
found scuba porn. totally not sexy. life continues to disappoint.
so i say "rick dont build that sandcastle" and he "says ok i wont" then i wake up and its sandcastle fucking city all over my apartment
I'm a little nervous about this St. Patty's Day party. Seriously, we're still finding stuff from the Halloween party.
She was mid-sentence and then BOOM the hammock broke off the tree. I about pissed myself. Hot Sprite and Vodka make the world go round.
At some point you realize they're vacuuming and you still have to sober up. Please find me a boyfriend thanks .
I'm sitting here bra-less eating jalepeno candied bacon. You know you want this.
Coming.
That super awesome moment when the guy who threw up in your bed last night crawls into your roommate's bed the next morning...Naked...She was in it.
Jerry got outside again, i found him making dirt angels in the garden. I need to put a bell on that bastard.
Testing the emergency boobs hotline
i've got three words. i. was. spanked.
Yep, you're going to hell.
I take on this great possibility with a beer in one hand and the girl I'm gonna fuck later in the other
Randomize
